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Fair winds!

Dave and Anke
triloboats swirly gmail daughter com

Monday, February 14, 2022



Photo from Everplans

Let us be lovers, we’ll marry our fortunes together.

– Paul Simon

Surrender n: The act of giving one’s self over to another.

– One among many meanings


The act of giving one’s self over to another…

In the context of love, surrender is a mutual act of intramission based on trust. Of willing entanglement. Of choosing to turn toward as a way of being. Of letting go of the power of individuality for the greater power of loving partnership.

Surrender is also associated with a unilateral act of submission absent trust. Of unwilling engulfment. Of being forced to turn toward. Of yielding the power of individuality to conquest by a greater power.

The word is powerful and passionate in either sense.

Perhaps because the same word blares at full volume both meanings - will ye and nill ye - surrender is so difficult? 

By the time we find love, so many of us have surrendered in situations and relationships that have left us battered and scarred. We raise the walls and close the gates. We don armor and raise the sword by reflex. The gauntlet becomes as familiar as the backs of our own hands. The glaive becomes our hand.

But to surrender to one another… is there anything so sweet? To dismantle the walls and fling open the gates. To remove with love, patience and care each layer of defense. To win trust. 

To emerge together, hand in hand, to face the world?


Surrender has a shipboard context, too, one which pervades the spectrum.

The ship surrenders itself to the sea. Um. Sort of. Certainly the sea has the first and last word in every discussion.

All aboard surrender themselves to the needs of the ship… as goes the ship, so goes its occupants.

The captain surrenders to a leadership role… one in which power is most definitely not unbridled or lacking in obligations. 

The crew surrenders their independence to the captain’s decision and command… ours is not to question why (at least in the crunch).

All more or less. Consent is nowadays much in vogue, but the heirarchy (sea, ship, captain, crew) doesn’t promote mutuality. Yet neither is it set in stone.

On a happy ship, we look to working with the sea  and not against it. We look to our vessels’ trappings and trim. We aspire to Cptn. Bligh’s ability, but eschew his HR. We jump to with a will when called to duty.

We surrender and sail on.

NOTE: We find that it’s good to recall that the role of Captain is just that; a role. We can and do trade off. Good for learning and a counter to hubris!


  1. So true.... I must have sailed with over 20 different captains during my merchant marine years and only 2-3 merited sailing with again. A good captain is a rarity, as is being one. But definitely something to aspire to. Thanks for the nice perspective on Valentines day, Captain D.

    1. Hi Roberto,

      Practice, practice, practice! 8)

      Dave Z

  2. One of the thing I knew I needed to do before marrying a second time was to become naive again. Marriage is not 50/50 but closer to 100/100. Surrender can be either forced or willing... those going down to sea who are not willing to surrender to the sea may have a rough time of things. Another word to add might be sacrifice. living on the water is a sacrifice in many ways but that sacrifice can be pleasant too. This fits marriage too BTW.

    1. Hi Len,

      Good points all!

      I really like that 100/100. The sum is greater than the parts.

      Dave Z

  3. “… On a happy ship, we look to working with the sea and not against it.”……
    “Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.”
    - Gary Snyder,poet

    1. Hi,

      How true. Amazing how many meet the sea in defiance mode, as if it were a combat of some sort. I look to the birds, at home on the water in the fiercest winds. They show the way!

      Dave Z

  4. Posting on behalf of JOHN:

    Dear Dave,
    I always look forward to your thought-provoking Valentine's Day posts. In the past you've written about some of the very personal challenges you and Anke have faced. I suspect that many people consider you to be a very special person, as do I, even though we may never meet in person.
    Love, John

    1. Hi John,

      Truth to tell, I love writing them. Kinda my Valentine's day card to both Anke and the world.

      I'm surely inspired by so many of you! It quickly becomes personal, albeit not 'in' person. Hearts and minds. 8)


      Dave Z